Lost and Found
by nanirain
Summary: G's missing, R tries to hide her feelings, but she was never good at that. Y&T are falling in love all over again, but it also means going through the pain. P&B are trying to love against their characters. Look to the past. Are we strong enough to deal?
1. Guess it's not so over Ch I

_Disclaimer: Any recognizable material does not belong to me. _

_

* * *

_

_Hear you me my friends,_

_On sleepless roads the sleepless go_

_May angles lead you in…_

_May angles lead you in… _(Lyrics from "Hear You Me". By Jimmy Eat World)

She wondered if he remembered exactly what it was like to make yourself vulnerable under the Caribbean sun for long amounts of time. How your skin was slowly baked into a bleeding, cracked shade of garnet red when you bathed your skin too deeply with the frying white rays. How painful it was…

From the way she watched Tidus shamelessly rip off his white cotton tee and crash into the water, she seriously doubted it.

But she didn't try to warn him, he would figure it out on his own later when his skin was burnt to a nice red crisp. And it had nothing to do with the fact that she was a little too preoccupied with watching his god-like body stride through the turquoise waves, chasing after the children of the village. Not in the slightest. She wasn't _that _caught up in watching the way his body rippled and moved with such powerful grace, intentionally missing the children's shoulders with clumsy movements to make them laugh when he stumbled and fell sloppily into the waves. Of course not. She didn't find it distracting how the patterns of the sun-reflected water slithered over the smooth tawny tanned skin of his shoulders, arm, and back or the way his honey colored hair fell in wet clumps into his shockingly blue eyes… his sculpted abs… powerful, perfect body, his gorgeous face. The way the water slid and clung to every shape of the professional athlete's body before making his flawless skin glimmer…his perfect, blatant grin… that wasn't her reason for smiling at him… she wasn't caught up in the euphoric sounds of his heartfelt laugher and little children's shrieks…

… Nope

"_Oh-hoho_!" Tidus laughed, scooping up a little girl into his arms. "What _now, _runts?" he teased, kicking up white water at them as he hoisted one of their favorites, Olivia, up into the air, glittering trails of diamonds falling from her ankles and hitting the white water again, churned a frothing white by the running and messing around. He only winced a_ little_ when she screamed into his ear and kicked at his pex.

"Whose gonna catch her?" he challenged, a broad grin on his face as he threw her up into the air. The little girl screamed with delight until he reached up and caught her again, effortlessly.

There was a general cry of happiness before fifteen children came racing through the water at Tidus. It was enough to make him stop for a fraction of a second to stare, processing what he had just gotten himself into. A wave of kindergarteners coming at you, bellowing at the top of their tiny little lungs was actually just a _little _bit intimidating.

She saw his mouth move quietly but didn't catch the words. She could tell from his body that he was thinking about how it would feel to be body slammed by fifteen kids at once. If she could lips read she would have guessed it was something like, "oh _crap_."

She only laughed, tilting her head down and then bringing up her face again, tucking back a piece of her hair.

"The dope looks like he's having fun." Someone said suddenly, the girl who had spoken sitting down beside Yuna in the sand while the ex-summoner turned to smile at her cousin. She looked perfectly at home in Besaid, with her yellow bikini top and short brown skirt. Her blonde hair still done up in a million different braids and pushed over to the side in a ridiculously high pony tail, her forehead plastering certain pieces to her head in a strangely charming way.

Rikku looked like she belonged in Besaid more than Yuna did.

"I think he's just happy to be home." Yuna said, looking out at the water from under the dappled shade of the palm tree they were under. The ripples of sand surrounded them as if they had been stones dropped into an ocean of sand.

She pushed her feet through them and sighed, leaning her head back against the ridges in the trunk. "I am too." She said, sighing heavily. "Finally everything's done…" she said. "It feels good to be home…" she said, pushing her fingers into the sand. From the water she could hear Tidus yelling, laughing and little kids screeching happily. She opened her mismatched eyes half-lidded and stared up at the big leaves sheltering her from the sun. She was content… if only for a moment. The past three months with Tidus had been wonderful.

The two lovesick heroes had spent most of their time… just being with each other, exploring their relationship physically… and emotionally, remembering, feeling… loving the way they were falling in love for each other all over again. Cherishing each other, just like he had said they would. They were just so happy to be together again.

He was a little surprised, if taken aback at her new personality. She hadn't known she'd changed so much until he pointed it out. She was very different from the girl who had set out to defeat Sin two years ago… She would do things now that he pointed out to she would never have done before, daring things. She would shove him into the water playfully and then take off down the shoreline, yelling out a string of teasing words behind her… and he would stare, soaking wet, for a moment, bewildered, as if to ask himself '_did she really just do that…?'_ and then, laughing, he took off after her.

If anything they loved each other even more. He still loved her. And she loved him too…

And this time it was even more wonderful for her, because she knew that she wasn't just loving him to pass the time before she died. She was loving him because she _loved him._

She didn't notice Rikku wince.

"Hey." The Al Bhed girl said, her voice strangely subdued as she sat up against her bent knees, hooking her forearms around her shins and interlocking her fingers in a human clasp. "Yunie? Um… how have you been lately?"

Yuna sat up a little, getting a better look at Rikku's face. "What do you mean?" She asked, instantly feeling uneasy.

Her cousin looked at the ground and shrugged her thin framed shoulders to her cheeks, but Yuna could see the anxiety in her bright green eyes.

"What is it?" Yuna asked.

"Hey… _Hey_! Get _off_!" Yuna and Rikku each looked up to see Tidus leaning back precariously in the knee-deep water, one arm securing Olivia's squirming pink body over his shoulder like a sack of rice, while the other gripped at the waist of his shorts, the denim darkened from the ocean water. Seven kids were all collectively hanging and pulling on them, trying to rescue Olivia, not realizing that they were practically pantsing him for everyone in Besaid to see. Not that the female population would have minded that much…

"Hey, quit it!" Tidus shouted, trying to push them off. But they only re-latched to him, yanking harder, even when he pushed them off by covering their face with his broad, strong hands and shoving them backwards into the water.

… Maybe they did get it after all.

The rest of the kinder gardeners were rushing at him, trying to do some sort of collective ambush. Tidus twisted his torso away from them desperately, making Olivia squeal as she was whipped around.

"Looks like he's finally gotten himself a little more than he can handle." Yuna said, smiling.

"Yo! _Stop_!"

"Since when as he ever _not_ gotten himself more than he can handle?" Rikku asked.

Tidus shouted more, trying to move away but failing, his movements jammed due to the extra weight of eight children on his waist, legs, feet and of course, shorts. Olivia now grabbed a tuft of his soft golden hair in her hands and yanked on it to free herself. Hard

"Oh fu - _Ow_!" Tidus turned his head to look over his shoulder at her grinning little face. "Traitor." He said, grinning right back.

Yuna laughed and so did Olivia.

But Rikku did not. Instead, little glassy droplets started to prick up in the corners of those bright green eyes… she stared blankly ahead at Tidus's show… her chin brushing the tops of her knees… she couldn't handle this. He was so happy … and Yunie. Was she really… was she really capable of ruining this all for them?

"Okay! O-_kay_!" Tidus's exclamation was cut off by his own laughter as he hoisted Olivia off his shoulder and set her down into the water. Dazed and giggling, the little stumbled clumsily around, trying to recover from being whirled upside down for so long. But once she got her bearings, the first thing she did was lift her arms up again towards Tidus's tan, supple-muscled body. "Pick me up." She demanded with a big, bright smile.

Tidus went pale.

"Uh… maybe later." He said, scratching the back of his head, nervously, his shoulders strong and powerful.

Olivia pouted and stuck up her big, pink lip. "Pick! Me! _Up_!" She demanded.

It was a catchy idea. Sara waddled over to Tidus first, water sloshing noisily at her feet as she also lifted her hands up. "Pick me up." Sara said, joining Olivia's chorus. Olivia snapped her head around to look at Sara, electric poison crackling out of her young eyes.

"No!" She yelled. "Tidus loves _me_!"

Yuna covered her small, slightly amused smile as the color continued to drain from Tidus's face. More kids were soon around him, arms lifted to the sky. "Pick me-! Up, pick me up! Pick _me_ up!" They all shouted, looking like some sort of deranged cult, worshipping her beautiful, carefree, sun-kissed boyfriend.

"N-no. Guys… I can't pick you _all _up." Tidus said, backing away and holding his hands up in front of him, in retreat, trying to reason with them like an idiot. Because only idiots tried to reason with five and six year olds.

"Up!"

"Pick me-!"

"_up_!'

After a straight minute of this, Tidus finally let out a long, slow sigh, his shoulders sagging, he squatted down in front of them, the ocean's blue illuminating his skin. Hey… she couldn't help but notice. _Again_.

Yuna and Rikku stared. There was no way he could pick them all up. Save the world from Sin? Fight his way back into existence after his death? Save the high Summoner from her imminent fate? Sure. But pick up fifteen kindergarteners at once?

Not a fat chance in hell.

"You all ready?" Tidus asked, bending down farther and reaching out with his perfect, muscle toned arms.

There was a collective squeal from the kindergartners as they all giggled in delight and rushed towards him.

"YA! YA!" They squealed.

"Well _too bad_, you sticky little brats!" A wide grin cracked across his face, bright blue eyes illuminated with life as he rushed away from them, white water flying up behind him. He'd abandoned them.

Confused…blink …

_'I have to tell her…'_

Yuna watched, dumbfounded as she watched Tidus do the smartest thing he had ever done in the face of an impossibly hard trail of strength and manliness: run the hell away from it. She didn't notice Rikku's face.

_'I _want _to tell her… but…'_

There was a collective pause of confusion from the abandoned children. They all took a moment to stare blankly after Tidus, who was still laughing like a madman, turning only for a moment to make a mean face at them before he continued running like a man finally released from prison.

'_He looks so free right now… I can't… I can't take this away from him can I? Is it _right_ of me…?' _Rikkug dug her nails into her skin unconsciously.

It was Olivia who first regained her composure. "_HEY_! TI-_DUS_! YOU BIG… BIG… MEANIE!" She shrieked.

'_The last thing I want to do is dump this on them… I'd _hate _to do this to them… both of them. They've been so happy… I'd be ruining it, wouldn't I? That… that would make me a horrible person… a horrible friend… a horrible guardian…'_

Olivia led the charge after him, the other children quickly adopting and approving the idea as they followed, screaming.

'_But...'_

Laughing, and meaning to save her boyfriend from the fate of being attacked by fifteen righteously outraged children, Yuna started to stand, brushing the fine white powder from her legs. But she wasn't halfway up before she felt Rikku's hand come down gently on her shoulder. "Yunie."

'_I…'_

Yuna turned to look her cousin in the eye. Rikku's expression made her stop dead, her spirits falling flat.

"Rikku, what's wrong?" Yuna said, dropping in front of Rikku's form which, seemed to become more and more broken looking.

Her cousin lowered her head and tightened her curled body around her knees. '_I've just done it… I just did that… can I… can I still turn back?'_

"It's…" The Al Bhed started and then stopped. "I…" '_Should I?'_

Yuna watched in numb shock as Rikku bit back a sob and then buried her head into her kneecaps, her blond hair tumbling over her head. '_Oh… God!_'

Yuna couldn't bring herself to react. She didn't think that she has _ever _seen Rikku cry. It was eerily disturbing, and it scared Yuna to death.

'_Now they're involved to…_' Rikku's sobbing grew louder. '_I _hate _myself… why couldn't I have handled this on my _own_? Why do I _always _come running to other people?_'

Tidus's yells were drowned out of the background as the children found that they could not catch him. All Yuna could hear were the little sniffles and heavy breaths coming from under Rikku's hair. She watched, detached, as Rikku's shoulders and back shook, the gentle trench of her spine moving steadily up and down as she cried. '_I'm not strong enough for this… I… I… I can't… handle it._'

Finally Yuna brought herself to realize that what she was seeing was real. The surprise left her body and she gathered Rikku up into her arms. "… Rikku, what's wrong?" She asked, cradling her cousin in her long white arms as Rikku uncurled herself and buried her face in Yuna's shirt. '_Not alone…_'

"I can't find him." Rikku said, finally relenting, caving in as her crying grew louder. "I can't find him, Yunie. I _can't_…"

"Who?" Yuna asked, gently prying at Rikku's shoulders so that she could see her cousin's face.

It was tearstained and swollen, bright green eyes filled to the brim with torment. Her salty tears dropped to the sand, making small dots of dark color in the white ocean. It was as if Yuna were looking at some other girl…Rikku had never looked this defeated, or this sad, or this torn up inside. Yuna didn't know what was wrong. But she needed to.

"Who is it?" Yuna asked gently. "Who's gone?"

"It's G-gippal." Rikku said, hiccupping gently. "And the-the entire machina faction is going frantic." Rikku said, wiping at her eyes with the heel of her hand. "I don't know where to go. I've already looked _everywhere_." '_I'm asking you for help, Yunie…_'

Yuna was slightly taken aback. She knew that Rikku had always liked Gippal, but she hadn't thought that she'd get this upset. Gippal had disappeared before during Yuna's search for Tidus, and Rikku had never been _this_ torn up. No one ever worried much about the guy. He could take good care of himself and anybody else he had to.

'_I'm sorry._'

"Rikku…" Yuna said. "It's not that bad, maybe." She said, pushing aside her thoughts of Rikku's strange behavior. "I mean Gippal's gone off on his own before, and he's always been fine."

Rikku shook her head, her blond hair falling into her face, thick strands sticking to the wet tear tracks on her cheeks and the inside of her wet lips. They shivered with her shaky breaths. "It's – It's different." She said. "He was getting… death threats, Yunie. Before he …We didn't know who they were coming from but they-" She cut off as she hiccupped and wiped her face, sniffing and moving her hair. "But he ignored them, I guess. And the week before he left he and I… we… " '_This…is the _hardest _part._' Rikku ran her fingers into her hair, shaking her head again. "I don't know what he and I were..."

"Wait!" Yuna bent her head down to meet Rikku's Al Bhed green eyes. "You and _Gippal_?" She asked. Well that explained a lot more.

"Not officially." Rikku said, her voice still groggy. "We weren't a _real_ thing… I don't think. But Brother says… that I might have chased him away with my… '_girly_ ways'." She air quoted, rolling her eyes but still falling apart inside.

"Oh, Rikku." Yuna said. "You can't really believe that?"

Rikku shook her head. "No… I guess. B-but if he… if he _cared_ enough he would have told me." Rikku said. "Or he would have taken me _with_ him."

"What if he couldn't?" Yuna asked.

"Then he might be _hurt_!" Rikku said, tears welling up inside her eyes all over again. She stopped, trying to calm down, taking breath after breath… deeper and deeper. "… Yunie," Her voice more quiet than it had ever been before. "What if he's actually_ gone_?" '_There. I said it. I'm afraid… that he's…_'

Dead.

Yuna could tell from the way that Rikku said the word 'gone' that she meant dead. Dead like Tidus had been two years ago. Yuna felt her heart start throbbing and pressing up against her lungs, making it hard to breathe with compassion for Rikku and sadness as she re-lived the feeling of losing him... watching him fall off the ship and disappear. Standing there alone, staring at the empty space of cream clouds after he had gone. It had almost killed her inside.

And just like Yuna had been for Tidus, now Rikku was doing the same thing for Gippal. And she wasn't searching because she thought he was okay. Yuna knew that. She knew that _feeling_ that was tearing Rikku's carefree heart out of the skin. Her cousin was only looking for Gippal because she couldn't do anything else for him. She didn't believe she would find him, or that she would ever be happy again without him, but she had to continue to torture herself. She couldn't stop herself. She couldn't help it. Yuna hadn't been able to help it either.

It was enough to tear anybody apart. It was no wonder that Rikku had lost it. She had never had to go through something like that. She had always had hope, and happiness.

Yuna had been training for a hopeless life as a summoner but Rikku… she had always been so hopeful.

It was scary to see her defining hope ripped away, torn right out of the heart of those bright green eyes.

"… How long has he been missing?"

"A month and a half." Rikku said, choking on her voice.

"Rikku… why didn't you tell me before?"

'_Because I should never have told you at all.' _"I… I didn't want to make you worry… you've both been so happy since he came back." Rikku said, nodding out to the ocean where Tidus's body, weighted down with clinging arms and stubborn fingers, was finally knocked over when a boy who was a bit… um, _larger_ than the others jumped at him. She could just see Tidus's ocean blue eyes widening as the chubby boy flew at him through the air.

"Oh fu-!" Splash.

The head of gorgeous blonde hair shone like thatched honey in the sunlight before it was swallowed up by the water. He came up coughing and laughing. "Guys," he said swallowing the last of his laugh and running a strong hand to push back his wet hair, now only a shade darker. He bent over and took a breath, resting his hands on his kneecaps to look the children in the eye. "That…" he said heavily "was _not_ cool." The big, stupid grin on his face gave him away.

The children, who had bobbed up to the surface before he had, like apples in a barrel, all grinned back, their eyes glinting.

"What?" Tidus frowned, confused. When Davie yelled:

"Get 'im!"

"We just did this!" Tidus protested. "Don't-!"

Splash.

"And, plus," Rikku pulled Yuna's world back to the beach. "I kind of… I thought that I'd have found him before you would have to know."

The pang in her heart made Yuna hug her cousin to her. "Stop trying to protect me, Rikku." Yuna said, suddenly feeling awful. "My summoning days are over… you don't need to try to save me anymore." Rikku nodded into Yuna's shoulder, her wet skin rubbing against dry. '_I'm not hurting anymore_.' Yuna told her cousin mentally, closing her eyes and trying to absorb Rikku's pain into her own body through the skin. But Rikku's sobs showed that it wasn't working.

'_Okay…_'

"We'll go looking for him together." Yuna said, holding Rikku tighter to her. "Maybe I can get us somewhere." They both knew that people tended to tell Yuna more things, out of respect for the girl who had defeated Sin. Little did they know that it was really Tidus who they owed their respects to, the 'irresponsible, brash, cocky, arrogant young man', or at least that's what they thought of him… her carefree, gentle hearted, blond-haired blitz star.

After a moment Rikku's body steadied and the young blonde pulled away from Yuna's arms, her eyes dry and her face tired. Yuna knew better than to ask if she was okay. Because she wasn't. "We'll head out as soon as possible, okay? Tomorrow."

Rikku smiled, but the emotion wasn't behind her eyes. "Thanks, Yunie." She said. '_I just want to find him._'

Yuna stood up. "I'll go tell Tidus." She said, turning back for a moment to look Rikku in the eye. "I'll be right back, so _don't _move."

Rikku nodded quietly and put her chin back on her knees, waiting. '_I don't think I could if I tried…_'

Yuna waded out into the water just as Tidus was wading out. The children, still hyper as anything, were bouncing around him in circles, tagging onto his legs for a ride, jumping to cling onto his forearms and screaming as he lifted them into the air by pulling his arms up level like an airplane.

"Hey." He said, dropping his arms to his sides to the despair of Chloe and Dave who fell into the water with a plop. His wet hands found her arms and slid down to her hands, threading their fingers together in a human clasp. She loved him.

Olivia wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Ti-_dus_." She said, stamping her foot into the water. Tidus smiled and looked down at the little girl.

"Hey there." He said. "Why don't you see if you can find more shells than Sara." He had turned back to Yuna already, his attention shifting completely to the girl in front of him in a matter of seconds. "How are you?"

The little girls were not so easily deterred. "Tidus you said! You said!" They wailed.

"Yeah, I said to go away." Tidus said, smiling and ruffling their hair. "I'll be back, okay?"

Sara pouted and stomped her foot while Olivia glared melting daggers at Yuna and Tidus's tangled fingers. As soon as they were at a distance from the children Tidus took Yuna behind the protective bend of the cove, out of sight from the beach and the children. The waves broke here. He put his arms on her waist, dipping down to kiss her gently. She smiled against his lips as an irreplaceable calm spread over her body, coating her soul…Gently she used her hands to push him away, her mismatched eyes sparkling playfully.

As slowly and at the same time as his lips parted from hers, he opened his eyes, looking at her questioningly.

"You taste like ocean." She said, sticking out her tongue a little. "Salt water."

He smiled at her, looking down with his hair falling into his face, in his own little world where there was no one else but her. "Deal with it." He said, putting his lips over hers again. They were so soft.

She reveled in the feeling of finally feeling whole again while she spread her hands over his supple, muscled body, shirtless. He was too perfect. Guys like him didn't end up with girls like her… and she was so happy, right now, she thought as she leaned up and into his body, his arms circling firmly around her waist to pull her closer.

'_Rikku…_'

She gently broke away from him, and turned her head away. Tidus looked at her with half-lidded eyes, moving his own head to the right and tilting it so that he could still see her face. "What is it?" he asked gently, pushing some of her russet hair out of her face. It was soft against his calloused fingertips. "Yuna?"

"It's…" '_how am I supposed to tell him this_?' Yuna wondered, and bit her lip gently.

Tidus blinked at the familiar body language, recognizing it immediately. He took his hand and tilted her face toward him. "What is it?" He said, it was no longer a question. "Something's bothering you."

She blinked her green and blue eyes at him then smiled. She loved how he knew everything about her. She was a complete person with him… she could trust him. "It's Rikku." She said.

"Rikku?" Tidus said, smiling a little.

Yuna nodded, tucking the same strand of hair that he had moved behind her ear again. "She's um… she's in trouble."

"What?" Tidus's eyes immediately flashed in some sort of worry and anger. Rikku, the first person who he had seen three years ago in Spira was like Tidus's little sister. And he was a little protective over her. Yuna smiled at him.

"She's okay." Yuna answered the question starting out of Tidus's mouth. "She's fine but… someone's missing."

The anger slowly drained of the azure eyes… and he grew very still. "Missing?" He asked, his grip loosening around her waist.

"Gippal." She said. "You never met him but… he was one of the leaders of the political group of Spira… the machine faction."

Tidus stared blankly at her. Obviously he didn't understand why this was important.

"He's a friend of ours." Yuna explained. "He helped us with Vegnagun. And… he and Rikku are… well," she felt way too awkward. "They may have been a little involved."

"Involved?" Tidus echoed numbly… the word hollow of emotion. Finally it seemed to sink in and his eyes grew wider from beneath his thin, pieced veil of golden chunks of hair. "_Rikku _was _involv-_"

Yuna put her finger to his lips. "Not really… um… I mean I'm not sure. She's not…" Yuna sighed, letting the tension flow out of her chest. "Actually I don't know. But I think… she's in love with him." She admitted.

Tidus let it sink in, putting his hand to his head, his fingers tangled in gold as his other arm fell away from her waist, lingering for only an extra moment before he sat down on a nearby rock, ignoring the withdrawing surf that stole the sand from beneath his toes. "So… what happened to him?" he asked.

"He just…disappeared." Yuna said. "They've been looking for him for a long time, but... no one's found anything."

"She's been looking to?"

"Yes."

There was a long… long silence. Tidus stared at the ocean at his feet and she watched him. . '_We have to leave again… put ourselves in danger_. _All I wanted to do was be with him…_'

"Well," Tidus said, sighing and standing up to smile at her and rub his hands together. "When do we start?"

Yuna blinked, a little taken aback. '_Just like that…_?'

"What?" Tidus blinked, looking curiously at her.

"It's just…" She looked down at the sand. "You're okay with it?"

"What?"

"Leaving here…" Yuna said, watching as the warm surf dragged the sand away from her feet. '_Leaving the way we were…_' "It's home... and you just came back." She said, scrambling for other reasons.

Tidus just shrugged casually. "I guess it's time we all had some fun again anyway." He said, smiling as if it were nothing.

"Oh…"

Hearing the tone of her voice Tidus looked at her, frowning. "Hey… what's wrong?" Tidus asked,

"…It's nothing." She said, feeling just a little broken. She felt silly for thinking that he'd make a big deal of having to leave Besaid and the way that they could be together so easily… thing would be different if they were on a mission. They'd have things to worry about other than each other… but she supposed that he didn't care as much as she did.

* * *

**A/N**: the thoughts in the beginning that were italicized which came with no identification were all self-conflicting thoughts of Rikku's in case you couldn't tell, except for the line that read '_I'm not hurting anymore_.' Which was Yuna. And when Yuna and Tidus are alone the italics were all Yuna.

Some of the next chapters may be in specific character's points of view but im open to suggestions.

Um, okay so im just doing this because I feel like it, I'm not actually taking this all that seriously. Tell me what you guys want, more humor, romance, drama, angst? Whatever. I've been accused of being melodramatic before. But whatever. Y'all tell me what you think of it. Or wait till the next chapter… thanks for reading!


	2. Just Another One of Our Adventures Ch II

_This is morning. _

_It's when I spend the most time thinking 'bout what I've given up._

_This is a warning: when you start the day just to close the curtains your thinking about what I've given up. _

_Where are you now?_

_As I'm swimming through the stereo I'm writing you a symphony of sound. _

_Where are you now?_

_As I rearrange the songs again, this mix could burn a hole in anyone._

_But It was you I was thinking of. (_"The Mixed Tape" by Jack's Mannequin).

He sat on the edge of their bed in the dark, his body tense as he waited for her to come. His shirtless body burned despite the cool breeze in the night, everything was hot. When she reached out in the darkness and touched him, his head shot up, his hands gripping the bed as he sucked air through his teeth. She rubbed her hand over him in long, graceful circles, evenly and slowly she worked it down to the worst part. Every muscle crunched together tightly in his body... He knew she was only trying to make him feel good but… he couldn't hold back anymore. "Okay, Yuna," He said suddenly, his voice tight. "Ow."

She giggled and pressed a chaste kiss into the back of his neck. It stung a little on the burn, but he bit his lip to keep himself contained. He didn't want to discourage her from doing that.

Spreading the burn lotion over him, however, was a different story.

"Can't we just use a potion?" He asked, looking over his reddening shoulder at her. She looked back at him while she squeezed more electric blue burn-lotion onto her palm and resumed spreading it over his back. (A/N: and you thought it might be something dirty. ). Sorry to disappoint.)

He grit his teeth together against the pain.

"Lulu and Wakka are sleep already." Yuna said. "Plus this is al your fault anyway for forgetting to put something on."

"Okay, so?" Tidus said, his fingers making a knot against the covers as the cold searing was spread over his already damaged skin. "Just crash in, shake Wakka around and-"

"Wake up the baby." Yuna said, smiling. "That's a good idea. I'm sure Lulu would-"

"Kill me." He finished for her dryly.

Yuna laughed, sitting up on her knees so that she was taller than him and placing her head gently on top of his, her white arms circling lightly over his raw chest.

He flinched and she started to back away. "Sorry." She said, her voice quiet. "I shouldn't have-"

She stopped when a pair of big, strong hands closed over hers, still lingering on his raw skin.

"Don't." He said, his tone serious. "You stay. I don't give a damn about the burn."

Technically that was a lie.

The burn hurt like hell…like _hell_. But if dealing with it meant that he couldn't touch Yuna… well then he'd just have to live with the pain.

She smiled slowly and rested her head back down in his soft hair, breathing in the scent of his shampoo – the idiot had insisted on showering despite the burn, making it even worse. She closed her eyes.

He remained still, feeling the smoothness of her skin, the small heat of her breath in his hair. And he smiled. She smelled like jasmine.

"Hey." She said suddenly, her voice soft.

"What?"

"You're just trying to distract me from putting the lotion on, aren't you?"

Tidus let out a breath that was more like a laugh and grinned. "Yup." He said teasingly, releasing her hands and turning around to look at her. "I've been found out." He joked.

A flash of hurt went through her mismatched eyes and he blinked at it. "Hey." He said, putting his hand on her arm. "I wasn't being serious." He frowned, looking at her. "Yuna, are you okay?" Since that afternoon she had been acting a little funny.

She smiled and nodded at him, but if he had been able to clearly see her face in day light he would never have fallen for the act.

She was standing on her knees in front of him, the faultless figure of her body outlined with candlelight. Her newly styled hair illuminated a soft, glowing brown, her skin the color of dark cream. The hollows of her perfectly shaped body dipped in shadows and the line of her collarbone and the side of her face contrasting in golden light-spun threads. She was still gorgeous in the dark.

"What?" She asked, while he found himself staring at her. "What is it?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Nothing." He pressed a kiss to her lips and she got up to change into a big T-shirt for sleep.

"I'll go get you a potion tomorrow." She said, running her fingers through her hair once while she sat back on top of the blue covers. They wrinkled to her form, around her feet and legs. "When Lulu and I are awake. That way you'll be better by the time we get on the airship."

Tidus's stomach suddenly jumped upwards and body slammed his heart into his ribcage, making him nauseous and short of breath. "The airship?" he asked, his voice strangled.

She blinked and looked at him, when the realization came. "It's different." She said, urging gently. "It's not the same one as the one we used before..." '_Not the same one you fell from..._'

He smiled forcibly. "Awesome." He said. She could tell that he wasn't even close to meaning it.

"…we _have_ to go, Tidus." She said, realizing that she was totally contradicting her own emotions. '_But I don't want him to want to go…_'

"Yeah, I know." Tidus said. "I want to go." Her heart fell. "It'll probably just take me a while to get used to getting up in the air again." '_Without having nightmares of falling off the edge..._'

"So… you _want_ to go?" She asked, testing him.

He smiled at her half-heartedly. "Sure. Absolutely. It's been a while since we had any fun."

She smiled at him. He never changed. He reached up and ran his fingers through her hair once before getting off the edge of the bed and standing. "Okay." He said, pulling back the covers with a dramatic motion and smiling at her. "Now, this time you stay on _your_ side of the bed." His azure eyes sparkled at her, as if he were actually inviting her to come over to his. "And no stealing my covers." He added as an afterthought, pointing accusingly at him when he slipped beneath the sheets and covered himself back up.

"Oh, you're one to talk." She said, smiling and also pulling her side back and yanking the covers a little closer to her jokingly.

"And no kicking." He added.

She smiled. "I don't kick you."

"No snoring."

She gasped and turned, smiling at him. "_Hey_!" She laughed. "I do _not_ snore!"

He grinned, liking the feeling of making her smile. "And no moaning about how much you want me in the middle of the night."

She smiled at him again.

Bamf!

"…Ie halph a phumboorn, oo gnow." (I have a sunburn you know).

Yuna giggled and took her pillow back, the one she had just used to smash down on Tidus's face. "What?" She asked. "I couldn't understand that at all."

Tidus grinned at her, his hair fuzzy and disheveled in his eyes from being pillow-beaten. "Yeah, well, it's hard to talk through goose feather."

She gave him a lopsided, close-mouthed smile. "You deserved it." She said, getting her body under the covers. He watched the shirt ride up her legs, while she bent up her knees to climb under. Once they were both in bed they turned away from each other to blow out the twin candles on either side of their bed.

And then, quietly, in the moonlight they turned back and spent an hour soaking in silence, holding each other with tangled limbs and gentle arms until they drifted into sleep, together.

That was the way they always went to sleep. They held onto each other, because sometimes, neither of them were very sure that he'd still be there when they woke back up.

_Nine… Hours… Later_

"Tidus!"

"Mmph."

"Tidus!"

"_Mmph_!"

"Up!"

"…"

"_Tidus_…"

Long… silence.

Bang.

"Ow." His voice was muffled through the pillow. Whoa… déjà vu.

"Get up."

"Dun wanna." He mumbled, only half awake.

"Get up."

There was a long, slow sigh. She watched his back rise up and deflate back down like a balloon, until finally he pushed his face out of the pillow rolled his body over to looked at her through half-open, sleep encrusted eyes. "Wud iz'it?" He asked thickly.

"We're leaving." Yuna said, shoving a dark green bottle of liquid into his hands.

He stared down at it… "Uh?" He asked as Yuna moved around the room, taking this, putting back that, locking up that up, dusting things off.

"Your burn." She told him over her shoulder.

"Oh…" he said, still staring at it. "It's a bottle."

She stopped and looked at him, before she sighed heavily; Tidus had never been a morning person. Something she had discovered soon after his return.

"Breakfast." She said making her voice very clear.

And immediately he was a bit more alert. "What?" He asked.

"Drink that and I'll go get you your _breakfast_."

The potion was downed.

And a piece of charcoal was shoved into his hands.

It was supposed to be toast.

He frowned down at it, pondering. "I don't think this counts..." He said, adorably confused.

"It's all we had time for." Yuna said, still busy. "Let's go." She didn't move toward the door.

Tidus crunched on the blackened bread and winced, finishing it and hauling himself out of bed. "What are we doing?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Hold this." She said, shoving a bag into his hands. He took it after dropping it to the ground twice.

"Take this." She said, swinging him a big blue duffel bag, which he caught before he realized it was coming at him, his body instinctively moving without his brain. The advantages of being a blitz star…

"Okay… you ready?" She turned around and looked at him. "Uhm, you can't leave the house in that." She said, fighting back a smile. "Sorry."

He blinked at her. She nodded her head downwards. He followed and was met with his bare body and only a pair of boxers. He looked back up at her. "They're blue." He stated blankly, and then frowned. "Hey, are we going somewhere?" He asked.

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him… then finally she laughed and dug through the drawers to find him something. "Put these on." She pressed his old outfit into his hands and then turned around to put her twin guns in place at her side, brush her hair out again, and zip the comb back up in the bag. She applied thin, shimmering shadow to her eyelids and a light, whipped pink gloss on her lips. Trace amounts of makeup that were hardly noticeable at all… but they gave her skin a certain glow.

She turned around, "Ready to… go?" She faltered.

Adorably, Tidus was standing behind her, and he was still trying to get himself dressed. "Tidus…" She said slowly. "Put the bags down first."

_You're gonna wish you hadn't done that_

When the Gullwing's airship came hovering down, whipping currents of sand and water up in its wake, and extended its ramp down onto the beach, Rikku descended on them like a starving vulture.

"_Yunie_!" She screamed, throwing her arms around Yuna's neck.

"Oh!"

Crash.

Yuna hadn't been very ready for that. They both had to spit the sand out of their mouths for a few minutes before Rikku grinned and launched herself at her cousin again. "I'm so glad you could come, Yunie!" She said.

Yuna hugged her cousin back, smiling, but inside her mind was racing. What? What had happened to the Rikku who had come to her yesterday? Why was she suddenly so happy? What was going _on_?

'_Please don't make me show that side of me to anyone else, Yunie._' Rikku begged her cousin silently in her mind while she held tight to her. "_Please_." She didn't notice she had said the last word out loud.

Yuna blinked, her cousin's head still close to hers when she the small whisper silently invaded her ear and shattered her doubt. "_Please_."

It was so broken sounding… so not Rikku. When she pulled away from the hug she expected to see the tears and pain and helplessness that was there yesterday, she thought she'd find the face that fit that voice. But all she saw was her cousin's blinding smile.

And the realization hit her like a sack of concrete to the ribs. It wasn't real. And that all of it, Rikku's happiness, her giggles and that horribly, horrible smile, were all so disgustingly fake. It was an act.

"How are you, Rikku?" She asked, her voice quiet.

For a split second Rikku lurched to a stop, her face falling, her green swirled eyes shattering as she looked at Yuna. And she could hear the whisper in her ear all over again. _Please_. And she knew what it meant…

"I'm just hunky-dunky!" Rikku said cheerily, grinning at Yuna with that same blinding smile. Yuna wished she would stop it, it scared her to see how hard Rikku was trying to be … Rikku.

"What? No hug?" A cool voice interrupted the moment.

Yuna looked up to see a thick, muscular man striding down the walk, his skin a dark coffee color, his eyes shielded by big, thick goggles.

"Buddy!" Yuna grinned, launching herself into the air and throwing her arms around the Gullwings' pilot.

He smiled and hugged her briefly, his arms tight as ever. "Thought you'd get away from us, huh?" He asked, teasing her.

She linked her hands together behind her back and smiled, laughing. She tried to ignore the little pang of guilt that lanced through her body. Because yeah… actually she_ had_, though she knew loved all the Gullwings dearly. Like family.

"Yuuunaaaa!"

Yuna winced at the screeching and then smiled a little. Yeah… even that one.

"I am also for the huggie huggie!" The wry blonde man exclaimed, his blue flame tattoos matching the ocean behind him as he ran down the walkway. "Hug! Hug! Hug!" He said, throwing his multicolored arms around her. "Hug! Hug! Hug!"

She laughed. "Hey, Brother." She said returning the hug and then…

Returning the hug…

Returning the hug…

"Umm… Brother?" Yuna said.

Nothing happened.

"_Brother_!" Rikku snapped in Al Bhed. "Get off her!"

"Yo, Bro, let her breathe." Buddy finally said.

Finally, with the help of Rikku and Buddy, Brother was pried off of Yuna's body. Flustered, she took a deep breath, ran a hand through her hair, and laughed. "It's good to be back, guys." She said, and she, if only for that moment, really meant it.

"You too." Buddy said. "How've you been?"

She smiled silently while Rikku jumped up and down "She's been fantasamistic!" The young Al-Bhed squealed. "Isn't that right, Yunie?" Rikku asked, elbowing Yuna in the ribs and winking.

Yuna smiled and laughed, but on the inside she felt the worry start to boil against her stomach. Rikku was trying too hard… and the worst part was that no one else seemed to be noticing.

"Yeah, I've been alright." Yuna said. "I've missed the Gullwings though." A lie. Did that make her a terrible person? That she was lying to them the first thing after she'd been reunited with them?

"We have missed _you_!" Buddy returned passionately, putting his hand over his chest and throwing his head back to the sky. "Every day I must be living without Yuna, my heart aches so fiercely!"

Yuna and Rikku laughed while Buddy shook his head. "The sad part is…I think he's trying to be absolutely serious." He said, staring at his friend with crossed arms.

"The moon has no luster, the sun no organgy flame unless you are by my sides!" Brother continued babbling on, making wild hand gustures while Yuna watched, a gentle close-lipped smile on her face.

Finally Buddy broke up the sonnet. "OK" he said, rubbing his hands together and blatantly ignoring the way the pitch in Brother's voice escalated an octave or two. "We all set? You got bags?" He asked. "I think its time we got up in the air."

Yuna laughed. "Yeah, but its okay. We've got them." She said, picking up her own bags and starting up the ramp.

"Um, Yunie." The anxious whisper in her ear made her turn to regard her cousin, worry instantly flushing up her body.

"Rikku?" She asked, trying to sound normal. That was what her cousin wanted… to pretend that nothing was wrong. She was probably the one who had been the source of influence for that.

Rikku's eyes darted nervously over Yuna's shoulder and then returned to her cousin's mismatched eyes. "Is he … okay?"

Yuna turned and retraced the direction of Rikku's gaze, and a brief smile flit over her face when she saw. "Yeah," She said "He's just not such a morning person… Tidus." She called to him.

No response.

The blonde blitzer stood still, his eyes half opened and his hair a mess, his shirt wrinkled and twisted a little the wrong way on his body, his shoes were undone… he looked like he'd pretty much just rolled out of bed… which he had.

There was a moment of silence when everyone stared.

"I'll, uh, get those bags from him." Buddy said finally, starting over to the half-awake blitzer.

Brother, who was now brooding, his dramatic love poem finished, regarded the blonde with darkening emerald eyes – he hadn't forgiven Tidus for returning and he wasn't planning on it anytime soon either. Quietly he muttered something dark sounding in Al Bhed.

Rikku slapped him over the head.

"Hey man," Buddy said casually, "you okay?"

Tidus practically hit the ceiling when Buddy clapped a big strong hand on his shoulder. "What!" Tidus shouted loudly "I didn't!" He swore into Buddy's face… who must have blinked behind his big black goggles.

"Okay…" Buddy said. "I believe you. You didn't… Here. Let me take those." He said, indicating to the baggage. Tidus only stared blankly as the other man reached – very slowly – for the bags and took them. "Okay." Buddy said again, as if trying to make sure that Tidus wouldn't do anything like smack him down and try to take them back.

Instead Tidus looked at the luggage and looked back at Buddy. "Uh… sure." He said slowly, his brain processing. "You're welcome."

Buddy stared at him before turning around and walking to the airship. "He'd just better be able to still handle himself in a fight." He said in a low voice, shaking his head as he made his way past a giggling Yuna and Rikku, and Brother – who was still brooding. "That's all I can say about it."

"I do not even see why we must be bringing him on this mission." Brother spat nastily, "The pretty boy will be of no usefulness to us." Another slap from Rikku.

Yuna smiled and headed up the walkway with her bags while Rikku bounced over to Tidus.

"Come _on_, sleeeeepy headdd." She sing-songed to him, grabbing his arm and hauling him towards the ship. "We gotta gotta go go!" She laughed as he stumbled after her. He was a little dazed… but he would be fine as soon as he started to wake up, hopefully. And plus, it would be fun to mess with him until he came to his senses.

PxB

_She was waiting outside of the gates of New Yevon, with her arms folded impatiently over her ribcage, her garnet eyes gazing in bored distain at the ground. She had been waiting for the past three hours. _

_How much longer was it going to take anyway?_

"_Paine?" _

_He stepped out of the gates, finally. His silver hair light in the sun. _

"_How long does it take to tell Yevon you're leaving?" She asked, her voice low and quiet._

_He gave her a smile and stopped directly in front of her. "An hour and a half." He said calmly, as if it weren't a big deal._

_She instantly felt uncomfortable. "I thought you'd already told them." She said, pretending to be annoyed, when in reality she just didn't want to stand so close to him anymore._

"_I did." He answered in that same collected voice. "All together they managed to come up with about a thousand more possible issues to ask me the protocol for during times of ASP." _

_ASP… absence of the praetor. He must have explained it to her a million times. _

"_Are you ready?" He asked her. _

_And then he did the most dreaded thing he ever could have done. The stupidest thing he ever could have done. He reached out for her hand. _

_Paine felt her heart dive-bomb into her lower gut and start drop kicking her stomach. She looked at his extended hand, and tried to swallow back the idea that her innards were either revolting or throwing a major rave inside her body. She didn't hold hands. Reaching out, and doing the most awkward thing she had ever done, the worst thing she could have ever done, she shook Baralai's hand. And then released it, glaring at him the entire time as if to say "I dare you to try and tell me there was anything odd about that."_

_Too say that Baralai was surprised, taken aback, slightly amused, and genuinely puzzled would all be gross understatements. _

"_Yeah." She said, starting out ahead of him, blatantly ignoring him, pretending that he was following along when she knew he was still standing there. Well, it was his fault anyway. "Let's go." She said. _

_Baralai stared silently after her before taking the first few hesitant steps forward. _

'_Well _that_ went well…_'

Paine opened her scarlet eyes and stared up at the white ceiling of her room, sighing heavily. If she had known that not taking Baralai's extended hand was going to keep bugging her a week after it had happened she would have just taken the damn thing and dragged him to go meet with the Gullwings…

She stopped half-way to sitting up and thought about that.

On the other hand… maybe she wouldn't have.

Stretching and pulling the covers away from herself, she showered, dressed, and walked out to the hallway that lead to the elevator, her body wrapped in her usual black leather and the heavy gothic sword hilted to her side.

When she opened the door she was met rather abruptly with a pair of eyes. She blinked and allowed the moment to sink in before barely moving her head a little to the side. "Who are you." She asked, a drop of something cold in her voice. She wanted to be sure it was who she thought it was before she let him go any deeper into the airship, her old training kicking in. And her own personal motto… don't trust anyone.

Plus, Paine she had never like strangers that much. She didn't trust easily. Or at all.

And while she had met Tidus for roughly three days during his original return to Besaid, but she hadn't stayed long, and that had been three months ago. Still, she was pretty damn sure she hadn't forgotten this face.

Obviously though, he had forgotten hers. "Uh,… I'll get back to you on that one." He said, his face cloudy and lost as he moved roughly by her, "Do you guys have any coffee?"

"Hey," Paine said, her voice cutting as she turned around and started after him. She wasn't as hell going to let him go wandering around the airship if it was a stranger. And even if it was Tidus, she didn't want him to damage anything, including possibly himself.

She paused when the elevator doors shut closed and she heard the cables lift it up to the bridge floor. It desended in a matter of seconds.

"Hah!"

A tall, leggy blonde immediately leapt from the box.

Paine let her shoulders sag. Just what she needed early in the morning.

"Yunie said _this_ ought'ta cure you!" Rikku lunged forward after Tidus, leapt up onto her tippy-toes and abruptly dumped a bucket of water over his head, ice cubes scattering down his shirt and neck and pants and swirling away on the floor.

Paine stared, blinked, rolled her eyes and then started laughing.

Rikku grinned.

And Tidus got very, very still. Then, very slowly he turned around and regarded Rikku, his expression now perfectly alert, perfectly clear. "You're gonna wish you hadn't done that." He grinned and she screamed laughingly while he lunged at her.

Paine smiled. Things were starting to look up.

**A/N**: Sorry it took me so long to post this. There's something about it I distinctly don't like. Plus there's school. Requests, suggestions, and especially constructive criticism. Every one of these things I love and deeply appreciate. Also thank you so much my special reviewers from the first to the last, you all flattered and most importantly helped me. I'm trying to work with it.


	3. The First Slip

_Others because you did not keep  
That deep-sworn vow have been friends of mine;  
Yet always when i look death in the face,  
When i clamber to the heights of sleep,  
Or when i grow excited with wine,  
SuddenlyI meet your face. _W.B. Yeats (Deep Sworn Vow)

**A/N**: okay so this chappie is pretty damn exciting and confusing, etc. next time we definately need to focus on more Paine/Baralai. Dontcha think?

* * *

"Do you think we'll ever be able to get out of here?" A soft voice floated through the darkness, hanging damp between them… waiting.

He could tell from her emotionless, yet hesitant pitch that she was looking for comfort even if she'd never have admitted it. Her whisper screamed the need for reassurance.

"Nope." He said casually, timidly he reached out and put a hand over the iridescent lime colored slime that covered rocks, moist and slick like mucus stretched over granite, examining the fluorescent green tinge that was left on his gloved hand with a carefree expression. He never had been the type to indulge in the needs of others. The slime… he'd seen it before… he thought. Oh, right, the girl. "Or… not until whoever got us in decides it wants us out anyway."

There was dead silence on the other side of the chamber and then soft scuffling.

"Hey." She said softly, her voice mild but louder. She was directly behind him.

"What?" He asked, turning. He was only taken by a slight surprise when her boot shattered into his shin. He could have sworn he felt a crack.

"How _dare_ you!" She screeched, her voice echoing loudly. "I'm _trying_ to keep myself calm!" She screamed, coming at him angrily. "And you knew it! How can you expect me to stay _sane_ if you don't stop _saying_ things like 'nope! We're never getting out here! Why don't you just commit damn suicide now so we don't have to _eat_ each other!' " Her hand flew downward towards his face.

"Whoa, there." He said emotionlessly in his deep salty, desert voice, smirking as he deftly caught her wrist out of the air, his single green eye regarding her with a cruel amusement. "Calm down, now." He said, his warm breath in her face as he held the girl's stare, shorter than him by at least four inches. "Don't want to hurt yourself…" His voice was deep and hot, as if he were daring her to try to hit him again.

Selphi twisted her face up in disgust and yanked her hand away, causing him to move forward a little. But it didn't get rid of the self-satisfied look on his face. If anything his smirk only grew bigger and more arrogant. She turned around in a huff, pretending not to know that the only reason she had been able to pull away was because he had let her. "You're a real pig." She spat coldly.

And he laughed.

Because he was just infuriating like that.

"It's nothing I haven't heard before, Princess." He said, a warm laugh still lodged inside his throat.

"What?" She turned around in the dark and squinted at him. "What did – did you just call me a princess?"

There was thick silence, and for the first time in their entire month of being stuck together, she realized that he had been unsettled by something. Unsettled enough to be shut up. And _that_, now _that_ was scary as hell. Scarier even, than the thought of never being able to get out of this place for the rest of their lives… wherever 'this place' was.

"Hey." She said, and she realized that she seemed to have pulled him out of a reverie from the way he looked up so fast.

His expression softened a little, and that stupid, arrogant half-smile returned to his face. But this time it was a little different… there was something swirling deep inside that one eye… something that she'd never seen there before, even in the dim light of the cave. And it wasn't good. Was he… upset?

"It's nothing." He said, turning around and regarding the wall again. "Just a little slip…" he said, as if he were talking to himself. "…That's all."

She pursed her lips in annoyance, feeling as if she were being left out of some inner conversation he was having with himself out loud, and put her weight on one hip, her head falling to one side. "You're not telling me something, dessert boy." She said. "And I _know_ it's important."

At that he let out one of his classical, light-hearted laughs. And it echoed through the entire cave. She couldn't see through it, or hear any difference, but she still knew that it was hollow.

They stood there in awkward silence as the sound of his façade rang around them, over and over… until it finally faded out.

She waited for an explanation. But for once he didn't say anything.

Then again, Gippal had never been that much of a sharer. At least… not about anything that mattered… and especially not with her.

"So… Selphie." She noticed the empty tone he took on when he said her name, and she stared hard at his back. "Know any good mind games?"

"What?"

"Okay then I'll pick one. I'm thinking of a living being…"

"_What_?"

"And you've got 20 yes-or-no-questions to figure out what it is I'm thinking of…"

She stared incredulously at the back of his head. "Are you serious?" She asked, really hoping that he wasn't.

He turned around and gave her that arrogant smirk again. She was so tempted to slap it off his face. "Yes. And you've only got 19 questions left now."

Oh… she didn't know if she'd be able to stand this.

The blonde man stood as a bright yellow and black spot on an acrylic red hood, his hand holding the edge of the symbol welded onto the steel floor. The breeze spread through his hair, making him close his ocean bright eyes. He breathed deeply, the ocean cent was clean and invigoratingly fresh. "Wow…" he sighed out and then turned around grinning. "I _love_ this!"

Yuna and Rikku grinned while Paine stared dully as if she were baby sitting a five-year old. Maybe a hint of a smile painted on her apple red lips… or was that an expression of distain… would he ever be able to tell?

"I'm glad you like it." Yuna said while Rikku giggled.

"Are you kidding me? This thing is _awesome_." Tidus spreaded his arms wide, pretending that he could fly. A carefree grin spread over his face.

Yuna's smile grew hollow. A needle threading back and forth along her throat. "No."

_He was spreading his arms wide, as if he could fly… just falling… away. _

'_No. No. _No_.' _"Tidus…" She choked out, her voice unnoticed as the wind whisked it away.

He couldn't hear her over the engine or the wind, he smiled.

_He's dying…_

'_Stop it_!'

Carelessly he grinned, happier than she had seen him in a long time.

'_No… no. Stop it! Please!_" "Stop it!"

Her scream finally ripped through the seam that had been sewed in her throat, and Tidus jerked and turned around looking at her, his golden hair windblown into his eyes.

On either side of her Rikku and Paine grew very still.

And she felt the pinkness bleed over her cheeks. "Uh… sorry." She said, looking at the ground and turning. "You can uh… sorry. Keep messing around, guys, I'll be right back!" '_Just_... _promise me you won't_. _And don't… don't make me watch it again…._'

She brushed past a concerned Rikku, purposely pretending to ignore her cousin's worried expression. "Yunie?" Yuna kept walking towards the door, leaving Rikku behind.

Paine very quietly and discreetly caught Yuna's wrist as the girl tried to walk by her.

She felt her body tense like a tightened rubber band.

Paine looked at her with those intensely crimson eyes. "Yuna." She said, staring her down.

"I'm gonna go check on the flight plan! Have fun guys! See ya!" She said, smiling blindingly at Paine, reclaiming her wrist and then dive bombing down the stairs as fast as she could go without tripping.

"Um, is it my imagination, or hasn't she already checked on the flight plan like… five times already?" Rikku asked.

Paine's expression turned to stone. And both girls, as if on cue, turned together to stare at Tidus.

Tidus sent them a distracted glance, shook his head and then stared at the door that Yuna had disappeared through. "Hey, I'm lost too." He admitted, taking a step forward and then hesitating.

T:

_She'd been… off lately. Acting strangely. And I was starting to get a little worried. About her… because when it was Yuna you could never tell whether it was a simple little quirk like a hangnail or an extra hour of sleep… or something like the end of the world. _

…

The pilot room was filled with a thick hazy smoke that made Yuna cough when she entered the room. "What?" Her eyes watered and her breath bucked against her throat. "What's going _on_?" She wheezed, putting her hand on the wall and coughing into her palm.

"Lady Yuna. So nice to see you again." Came a deep voice from behind her.

Yuna turned, blinking at the sound of the familiar voice that didn't quite belong on the ship. "Oh… Baralai."

The Praetor of New Yevon smiled politely, as he always did, and put his hands straight at his sides "Lady Summoner, Yuna." He said, dipping his head a little in respect.

She felt the blush that she'd just banish creep back into her face. "Baralai please don't." She said. "I'm not a Summoner anymore."

Baralai smiled. "Well you would be. If we still had a need for them."

She smiled. "Well then, Mr. Praetor of New Yevon, how does the new law?"

He grinned and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well… it could be better. There's slight disagreement existing between-"

"Hey now. I'm not gonna have none of that on this ship." Two big gloved hands came out of nowhere and Buddy's face emerged out of the unclear haze. "You two are not going to be talking politics here. We just finished with all that."

Yuna grinned. "A little over your head, Buddy?" She teased.

Buddy smiled and ruffled her hair. "You wish." He said. "And none of that bowing stuff." He said, turning his head to Baralai, "I don't know how things are done in New Yevon, but here on this ship, we're family, and we don't bow. Got that?"

Baralai adopted a strange expression before he laughed a little and tilted his head jokingly to Buddy. "Yes'sir." But it didn't do anything to melt away his stiff and somewhat formal air.

But she saw the flicker move across Baralai's face, and as far as she was concerned… it was a start. She had seen the spheres of him – a younger him with less responsibility and experience – in the crimson spheres and she'd seen how much of a carefree, curious youth person he'd been at heart… sure that Baralai was a little different then than the man who was in front of now, but she still thought that after a time he could learn to become a part of the Gullwings family. Her family…

She felt a little pang of guilt inside her gut… because you didn't try to run away from family. Not the people you love… real families don't break up like that… you don't abandon them. So… why hadn't she wanted to do this again?

Was it the people…? She looked at Buddy as he strode to the pilot seat again and started guiding the control sticks, Buddy who was lounging in his chair, half awake and Shinra...

'_No… it's not them… I love them._' She shook her head and put her hand on the railing of the bridge, running her fingers over the cold metal. '_It's this_…_ something about this. I don't want it_.'

"Are you okay?" Baralai asked suddenly, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She looked up at him, startled. "Yeah I'm fine. I just- uh!" A sharp pain blossomed behind her eye and she gasped, falling forward, unable to control herself. She felt so … helpless. If Baralai hadn't been able to catch her she would have hit the ground in a tangled mess. She closed her eyes against the dizziness and her head swam… she felt as if she were being suspended upside down and shaken violently… it was nauseating.

"Yuna?" Baralai's voice finally penetrated into the world of dizzying blackness, now he was more than a little concerned.

She forced her mismatched eyes open and looked at him, his image was a little fuzzy… but she was able to shake herself a little till her vision cleared.

"I'm sorry." She said, instinctively. "I didn't mean to." She started to push away from his chest.

"Hey I don't know if you should try to move yet." He said, holding her down to his chest. Gratefully she put her temple against the hollow between his chest and shoulder, trying to keep the world from spinning.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Baralai asked, this time his voice skeptical.

She smiled lightly and nodded. "Yeah, I think its just the smoke." She said, fanning her hand in front of her nose. "Do you know where it's coming from?" She asked.

"Do you mind?"

Yuna must have jumped a foot in the air and hit the ceiling when the low, rough voice entered her ear.

"What?" She turned and jerked her head up to look at Baralai, coming face to face instead, with Gippal. He stared her down, hard, a cigarette between the fingers, of his other hand the source of that dizzying smoke?

"Gippal?" She asked breathlessly. Hadn't that just been Baralai?

"Do – you – _mind_?" He asked, getting closer to her face, saying his words slowly his glittering green eye piercing through her.

"What?" She asked, her mind racing for an explanation. She came up with nothing. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"I'm _not_ here, I'm _somewhere_. _Somewhere out there_!" Gippal shouted, pushing her roughly away from him. She stumbled backwards, still dizzy and hit the ground. She sat up slowly, her arms incredibly weak and that smoke was making her so sick…

"Thanks for trying so hard to _find_ me." Gippal said, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "Glad to see the Summoner isn't bias when it comes to helping people."

Yuna could only bring herself to stare. Why was he yelling at her? What made him so mad?

"You worked so hard find Tidus, didn't you? Don't _I_ deserve to be found too! What about Rikku! What about your family?"

Yuna sat there dumbly staring, scrambling to say something, to just react even a little to this… but she couldn't even bring herself to take a breath. '_Gippal_? _Is this real_?'

"You're just selfish." The Al Bhed spat, taking a deep drag of his cigarette and flicking the ashes onto her leg, they burned. "Your just a selfish, stupid little girl. Summoner, or not, I _knew_ we couldn't depend on you! I mean, you didn't even defeat the Sin did you? Don't I recall the practice of the Summoner dying for her people?" Gippal asked. "What' the matter Yuna, too good to die for us?"

"Stop it." She said. "I was ready for it."

Gippal's face became distorted. "You were supposed to make a sacrifice for us! Where were you when the rest of the summoners died! You were our key to safety and you spat in our faces."

"Stop it. I gave! I gave so much!"

"_You_ gave so much?" Gippal echoed. "_You_? And Tidus? What did he give? Oh, right, _his life_."

"Stop it!"

Gippal smiled cruelly, his voice lowering. "Not that it was something he treasured that much." Gippal said, smiling cruelly. "I mean… he left pretty effortlessly. I didn't see him putting up a fight… did you? I sure don't see anything worth staying for when I look at you." Gippal said, his eyes full of contempt as he roughly grabbed her chin. "And what about this time, lady _summoner_? You're going to do it all over again?"

"No."

"Well… I saw him 'flying' out there. He looks pretty damn happy to be back."

"_Stop it_!" She shouted, finally pushing him back, roughly connecting with his chest.

"Yuna!"

"That's right little girl! Keep struggling!" Gippal said, coming back and catching her wrists in his hands. Oh God… no. "No one's going to come to help you this time. They all died for Sin!"

"Stop! It!" She started to kick at him, desperately. But the Al Bhed crushed her down into the floor with his body. He was so … heavy.

"Fight me little girl." Gippal taunted, his face full of raw hatred and contempt. "Scream at me until your throat bleeds! I'm not coming back, and I'm never leaving!"

"Yuna!"

Slap!

She'd broken her wrist free. And she'd slapped Tidus in the face. His shockingly ocean blue eyes stared down at her, full of worry and concern.

"Yuna." He breathed, looking down at her, sweat on his face, his body, not Gippal's, holding her down, his hands, the ones she knew so well, tightly corded around her wrists. "Are you okay?" He breathed heavily.

'_What_…?' She stared at him blankly, unable to think. "What?"

Tidus suddenly looked tired and exhausted. With a shuddering breath he flopped down to pillow next to her face, his chin on her shoulder, his body dead weight on hers. She stared blankly, her body still tightened with fear at the ceiling that had taken Tidus's place in her line of vision. She was on a bed.

'_Where am I_?' She asked herself, turning her head to look to her other side. "My room?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah…" Tidus said from beside her, his breathing slow and thick. "We brought you here just after...when – Yuna, when did you learn to hit that hard?" he asked, moving his jaw around, his skin brushing against her shoulder. She saw the ugly red mark that she'd branded onto his skin with the slap.

"I'm sorry." She said.

He shook his head and tiredly pushed himself up, rolling over to the other side of the bed. Slowly, she also pushed herself up to sit, her arms were a little weak, but she felt normal. When she sat up she was only a little light headed feeling.

"What happened?" Tidus asked her. She looked at him and smiled faintly.

"I was about to ask you."

He sifted his hand through his hair and then looked at her. "You just… passed out. Buddy came up and told us that you'd fallen when you were talking with Baralai. When we came down you seemed fine, so we put you in your room to see if a little rest was going to help you. And then… you started screaming."

"Screaming?" Yuna asked.

He looked at her. "Do you remember… what you were dreaming?"

She bit her lip. If she told him… "No. Not really." She would probably be thought of as insane. Besides… he didn't need to know. It was probably some freak, one time event. And those things that Gippal had said to her… he didn't need to hear those.

Because for the most part, they were true.

"Well, I'm going to get some water." Tidus said. "You want something?"

"Water." She said.

He shifted off the bed quietly, opened the door to their room and slipped into the hallway. After he was gone Yuna fell back into bed and stared at the ceiling.

"_You can scream until your throat bleeds! I'm not coming back! And I'm never leaving!_"

She pulled the covers over her head and sighed. "What… is this?" She asked herself quietly. She lay there until the sliding door opened again. Tidus set the glass down next to her on the nightstand and she pretended to be asleep while he lay down next to her in bed and put his arms around her.

He knew she was pretending. And she knew that he knew it too. But she could couldn't bring herself to open her eyes and look at him, because she didn't want to see the look on his face.

Something was wrong…

G&R

"How did you even get in here?" Gippal asked, studying her critically. "And what are you doing here?"

She stuck out her lip and shifted her weight to one hip. "Looking for you, you big lunk-head." She said, blue eyes pouting. "And how do _you _manage get yourself stuck in a place like this?" She asked, glaring at him.

He smiled and tilted his head. "What you don't like it? I think the mold gives it the nice homey touch."

Slap.

He hadn't even seen that one coming.

"Should I ask what that was for?" He asked.

"For that. Ew. The mold is gross." She said. "And also for leaving me behind."

"Oh for-"

"You didn't tell me you were leaving." She said, turning around and crossing her arms. "I got… worried." She admitted. He took a moment to smile, dare he say it: affectionately at her figure, her back turned to him, her blonde hair thrown over one shoulder, arms crossed, hips tilted, delicate shoulders.

He smiled. He'd missed her.

"Rikku come on." He said, coming up behind her and putting his hands on her waist, his chin at her hear as he pressed a kiss into her upper temple. "Don't be so mad."

Her body relaxed in his arms and he felt relief as she turned around as put her face in his chest, her arms wrapping around his neck and teasing his spiked hair. "I'm not mad." She said. "Just scared."

He smirked at her. "Well now you'd better be. I don't know how to get out of here. Only in."

Her head snapped up and she look at him with widening blue eyes. "_What_?" Her arms tightened around him and she pushed him away from her.

He laughed as he watched her begin to freak out, pacing back and forth, her hands moving in erratic motions as she started rambling to him about starving and cannibalism and something of the sort. That sounded strangely familiar… but he didn't care.

"Hey." He caught her body and pressed it against his. She blinked and looked at him, absolutely clueless. "Stay here with me." He said, pressing a kiss down on her lips.

It was like he was complete again… Oh… his arms tightened around her body and it felt so good to have her that close to him… he _had _missed her.

She gently tugged away after his tongue delved into her mouth. And smiled at him, "Well… I guess for now I don't have much of a choice do I?" She asked.

He laughed and pulled her to him again, sifting his hands through her hair. For a second they parted for air.

"Gippal," She said, her voice a little breathless now. "What are you doing?" She whispered and he could taste her hot breath on his lips.

"Kissing you." He said roughly, smiling at her innocence. "Now shut up, Princess." He said, tasting the inside of her soft mouth again.

…

Selphie lay there, confused as Gippal's arms tightened around her, her brown eyes were wide as she felt his tongue slip into her mouth.

They had been sleeping on opposite sides of the cave just a few minutes ago, then the next thing she knew he calling her by some unfamiliar name and then kissing her… And it felt so good but…

"Gippal," she said when he finally let her breathe for a moment. "What are you doing?"

She stared at him, his body laid down beside hers, some foggy part of her mind wondering what the hell was going on.

"Kissing you." He said roughly, smiling a little at her, though his eye was only half open… or was it even open at all? She couldn't tell in the dim light. "Now shut up, Princess." He said, pulling her to him and kissing her again…

Okay… whatever.

* * *

**A/N**: Bum bum bummmmm! cliche i know. but hey, can't blame a girl for trying.

**Disclaimer**: Any recognizable material does not belong to me.


	4. I must not Fear

**A/N**: N/A.

**Disclaimer**: No recognizable material belongs to me.

* * *

"_To suffering there is a limit; to fear, none." – Francis Bacon_

When she woke up, it was four thirty in the morning, and Tidus was still asleep. Silently, numbly Yuna stared at the red numbers on her alarm clock for so long that after a while it felt as if they had been laserd into her brain. When it changed to 4:35 she gave up on trying to go back to sleep. Taking in a light breath and holding it, she gently moved Tidus' arm from over her waist, and then her neck out from under his cheek and nose. His warm breath had left her skin moist and she pocketed the spot under her palm, pressing skin on skin, trying her best to save it until she couldn't feel it anymore. Was it ridiculous to say that she missed it?

Careful not to make a sound, she stepped out of their bed and enveloped herself in cold, the warmth from his body spooned and their silk sheets being stripped from her skin. She shivered, and silently started for the shower room.

She hadn't even taken a step before Tidus groaned tiredly and reached out for her, groggy and not really awake. Deftly, she grabbed a large, fluffy pillow and placed it under his arm, hoping that he was still asleep enough to be fooled. He seemed to be contented with it. But still she waited, and still he didn't move an inch.

Finally she let go of the breath she had been holding, and moved across the room to the shower. It was lucky for her that the airship had such thick walls in its structure; she wouldn't have to worry about the running tap waking up her lover through a closed door.

'_Lover_' She thought, as she opened the door and slid into the other room. '_I have a lover…_' It still sounded too strange.

She resisted the urge to whisper "base!" as she touched the tile of the bathroom floor. But she did allow herself to close her eyes, press her back into the door, and slide down until she was sitting on the tile. Her arms hung limply at her sides, hands and forearms on the floor, knees bent up to her chest.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked quietly, leaning her head back till her face was angled upwards, the back of her head leaned beneath the door knob. She was thinking about this past afternoon, her eyes still closed. She opened them slightly and looked at the blinding fluorescent light that was glaring down at her prone figure. She knew what she had seen. And it had been too real for a dream. Gippal had been there, and he had been _mad_.

But when she'd asked Tidus what had happened, he only said that she'd passed out while talking to Baralai in the bridge and wouldn't wake up again. Hoping that she was only exhausted, they'd lay her in bed, and it was only several hours later when she had started screaming, and Tidus had had to restrain her.

Yuna turned off the running water for the bath and started to strip out of her PJs, which she left on a pile on the floor. It was time to wash them anyway.

When she stepped into the tub, the steaming water sent pleasant shocks up her spine to the back of her neck. She'd poured in lavender and chamomile oils that an old woman back on Besaid had sold to her, claiming that the vapors were pleasantly relaxing in times of stress.

Yuna had bought them more out of pity than actual interest, and hadn't planned on using it ever, but now… she let out a long exhale as she lowered her body into the water, she was starting to believe that it actually worked.

She closed her eyes tight and clamped her lips shut as she poured the empty bottle that she'd filled with water over her head and let the scented liquid cascade over her face, shoulders and back, and then, with a heavy sigh, she leaned her body along the back of the tub, just letting herself soak.

She moved her fingertips lightly over the water, limp wrested and relaxed. But then… there was something inside her that just wouldn't settle.

She opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. Gippal's singe, green eye still scalding her vision.

"_Thanks for trying so hard to find me."_ His voice was clinging to her ears, not letting her go. _"Glad to see the Summoner isn't _bias_ when it comes to helping people."_

Yuna lowered herself into the tub until her nose was right above the water. So… he thought she wasn't trying hard enough to find him? That she hadn't wanted to go on the mission?

She felt as if someone had forced her to swallow a can of worms and they were still squirming in her throat and stomach.

She had been so afraid. It had been so _real_, the way Gippal had been standing over her, how hard it was to breathe with the smoke all around her, making her so dizzy and weak.

She blinked. The smoke. She'd forgotten completely about it, but it had been there the whole time. In her "dream", if that's what she was going to call it, Gippal had been smoking a cigarette. The ashes had dropped onto her leg and burned her but… was that really all it took? One cigarette could make that much? Hadn't it affected Baralai before she passed out?

Yuna's eyes snapped open as she realized. The smoke. The smoke had been there before she'd seen Gippal… in fact, it had been there from the very instant she'd walked into the bridge. That meant that it had been there from before she had started talking to Baralai… and before she had passed out and had that weird dream. But… it had been in the dream too.

And if it hadn't come from Gippal's cigarette…. She frowned. Now that she thought about it, Baralai hadn't even commented it on it. And neither had Buddy. What if… what if they couldn't see it?

Frustrated, Yuna bit her teeth together tightly. She was starting to get weirded out by this whole thing.

And then… once the day started the others were going to have questions, they would want to know what happened. If she was ok. But she couldn't tell them. They would have thought she was insane.

… Maybe she was. She shook her head and wrote off that thought. No. She wouldn't allow herself to be. It had just been a dream. Something she'd only have once and never have to have again. It wasn't real.

"_Fight me little girl!" _Gippal's voice came screaming back into her mind, and she realized how tightly she was holding onto herself. _"Scream at me until your throat bleeds! I'm not coming back, and I'm never leaving!"_

Yuna fought the urge to cry as she plunged herself under the water, letting the heat zing her skin for what felt like hours as she held her breath for as long as she possibly could. Finally, when her lungs had already split open, she was forced to come back up.

It was only then, when she was gasping desperately for breath, that she noticed the sharp stinging. She looked down at it through the clear water, and froze, dread blossoming in the bit of her stomach.

No… way.

There, on the middle of her left tight, were small red burn marks, scattered in the shapes of ash. And she knew exactly where they had come from… the simmering red tip of Gippal's cigarette.

* * *

"_I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer." – Frank Herbert_


End file.
